“It is enough; now, O LORD, take my life, for I am not better than my fathers.” – Elijah
A few weeks ago I was sitting in Sunday Mass and the reading was 1 King 19. Elijah was questioning his life, “It is enough; now, O LORD, take my life, for I am not better than my fathers.” Elijah the great prophet thought of his life as worthless in that moment! I know this feeling of worthlessness, when everything around us comes crashing down, suffocating us in a dark storm. In these moments, I feel as though I cannot fix it, and I begin to tell myself that it is my fault and maybe if I weren’t here it would be better. WOW, a spiral of doubt and darkness takes over – and to think this is normal. Even Elijah felt it. What did he do? He prayed. He surrendered. He fell asleep and allowed God to surround him with angels, to renew him and nourish him. When he awoke he was restored, for he felt new, energized and went on to be a major prophet for God sharing light with the whole world!
Prophets and saints are not perfect, their life sucks at times too. It is what they do and how they react when they find themselves in that downward spiral, that I want to learn from. Elijah felt the emotion of severe depression, to the point of begging God to take his life. He was down and out, and he turned to God. I love this! When we can’t get ourselves out of darkness and despair …
Pray, surrender and rest! Don’t run faster, try to fix it, or numb out. Sit still, give it up to Him, rest and allow His miraculous love to renew, transform and regenerate us!
Just imagine the angels re-wiring us, re-aligning us towards God’s love, light, and joy. We almost need to be asleep for them to do this with ease. Trust in it. And awake anew! Maybe, just maybe, in the new day, you will be the light that changes the world! You will be the one that brings hope of God to others. Just like Elijah; better yet, just like YOU! –Amy